Cesc Fabregas

Despite a rumour stating that he was born in the district of Vilassa del Mar in Barcelona, Arthur Dickens was in fact born under London Bridge when his mother (a noble cockney woman) unexpectedly went into labour when strolling besides the Thames. A happy child, even at the age of two the precocious youngster was performing double drag-backs and marathon sessions of keepie-uppies in Highbury Fields when word of Arthur’s talent reached the ears of the evil Spaniard Joan Laporta. Craving the toddler’s uncanny footballing ability for himself, Laporta had Arthur’s gentle and loving parents ruthlessly assassinated so that he could kidnap the child and bring him to Barcelona. Once in Spain Laporta gave Arthur up for adoption to two Catalan foster parents who renamed him Francesc Fabregas, and promised never to reveal the truth to their newfound son.

Naturally enough Cesc grew up believing himself to be Spanish, at the same time as he continued towards his destiny as one of the world’s greatest footballers. Indeed he was busy excelling in Barcelona FC’s youth team when his dead father’s French brother finally tracked him down. Uncle Wenger instantly recognised his lost nephew Arthur, and promptly signed him up to his real father’s favourite football team, Arsenal, bringing him back to London where he belongs. Since joining Arsenal, Cesc Fabregas (well it’s a better name than Arthur Dickens so let’s stick with it) has gone from strength to strength. He first broke in to the first team aged 16 and 177 days (an Arsenal record for youngest player to represent the first team) when he was asked to fill the boots of the mighty Patrick Viera no less. Despite his age and relatively small frame, Fabregas coped admirably and went on, not only to secure a regular spot in the team but to become its creative lynchpin and it’s captain. All that and he is just 22 years old! Despite the evil Laporta’s constant and unscrupulous attempts to lure Fabregas back to Barcelona, Cesc remains firmly committed to the Arsenal cause.

What Cesc Fabregas brings to Arsenal?

What doesn’t he bring to Arsenal? The Arse’s most consistantly brilliant performer in the last four or five seasons, Fabregas is one of the Premierships very best midfielders and unlike many of the other contenders is not a complete twat. His ability to pick a defence splitting pass is unparalleled anywhere in football, and his cool finishing and hard tackling make him the all round article. Extremely talented, professional and committed, and still in his early twenties, Cesc Fabregas epitomises Arsenal’s new generation of Young Guns being primed to dominate European club football.

Cesc Fabregas Player Profile

Position: Midfielder
Height: 5’9”
Leftie/Rightie: Right
Strength: 6
Speed: 7
Stamina: 8
Passing: 10
Tackling: 6
Shooting: 9
Heading: 4
Dribbling: 7
Technique: 10
Grit: 8
Haircut: 7 (has de-greased a bit recently, which can’t be a bad thing)

Superpowers:

Threading FIFA-approved size 5 footballs through eye-of-the-needle-sized holes in opposition defences.

Achilles Heel:

Another of Arsenal’s shorties, Fabs is never going to win the lion’s share of aerial balls.

More information on Francesc Fabregas

Cesc Fabregas on Arsenal.com
Cesc Fabregas at Wikipedia