Lexicon of Arse

At Come on the Arse we like nothing more than coining a pertinent phrase or two. If you’re reading our posts and are confused about the difference between Arse talk and Arsh talk, or think you have a case of Invinciblitis and need to have it diagnosed then check our patented (at least the ones we didn’t steal from other sources) Lexicon of Arse… a double-cheeked dictionary of Gunner-related vocabulary.

Abou Diaby doo! (excl.) = war cry used by Abou Diaby to power up. Only available on special occasions, the powerful phrase enables him to dribbles round three players and blast the ball down the goalkeeper’s throat.

Arse (n.) = an Arsenal player or fan.

Arse drivel (n.) = frequent negative crap spouting by the press about Arsenal, usually about the team’s imminent demise.

Arse hols (n.pl.) = not to be confused with opposition fans, Arse hols are the end of season break. Sometimes also used to refer to international duty.

Arsenalicious (adj.) = pertaining to footballing greatness and style

Arsenalist (n.) = Arsenal fan.

Arse talk (n.) = partisan talk about Arsenal.

arsetimate(vb.) = to consider the strength of an Arsenal side.

arsewiped (adj.) = injured.

Arsh talk (n.) = objective talk about Arsenal, after ‘honest Arshavin’.

Arsquire [Arsq.] (n.) = honorary title given to esteemed Arses (eg. Mr. Fredrik Ljungberg, Arsquire).

Arsteria (n.) = the delusionary notion that we will every single piece of silverware in sight, most commonly touted after one of our trademark romps over a lesser team.

Arstist (n.) = an Arse who regularly displays supreme creative talent

Arstistry (n.) = a piece of footballing brilliance that deserves to be hung up in a gallery and admired. (Although quite possibly worth nothing in five years time).

Ashley in the midst (phrase) = a despicable traitor is lurking in the Arsenal set up.

Cescual healing (n.) = the medicinal power of Cesc Fabregas, specifically when used to cure Arsenal fans’ depression by overturning a goal deficit and winning the match.

double-cheeked (adj.) = used to describe an Arsenal-related action performed with due diligence. (eg. That was a beautiful double-cheeked challenge on Rooney by the Verminator, which has left him arse-wiped for the rest of the season).

Fabregasted (adj.) = the sensation, oft felt by the opposition, when Fabregas ghosts past them and places the ball perfectly into the far corner of the net.

Fergie Lurgy (n.) = a tragic disease that has defied medical science, sufferers of the Fergie Lurgy are prone to believing that it is socially acceptable to support Manchester United. They may even seem proud of it, unable to comprehend the reality that they are a glory-hunting cunt who has never even been to Manchester. There is still no known cure for the Fergie Lurgy, but some reports have indicated that repeatedly punching the patient in the face has helped some sufferers to recover… and with that in mind we encourage you to do your very best to help any victims you encounter.

intercescuality (n.) = when a midfielder, usually of prodigious talent, is able to seamlessly fill in for Fabregas.

Invinciblitis (n.) = acute nostalgia for the Invincibles era.

Le Prof-iteering (n.) = the buying and selling of players at a huge profit.

The Unrinsables (n. pl) = the Arsenal team socks. Dry clean only.

Theo (vb.) = to hurry, or move very rapidly (eg. Will you please Theo up, we’re going to be late for the match)

Wenger knows (mantra) = a bit like God, Wenger moves in mysterious ways. We may not always understand them, and in a crisis of faith we may even question them, but ultimately we must put our faith in Arsene the Redeemer. Amen.

Wenger vision (n.) = 1. incredible myopia (pertaining to key moments in a football match) 2. incredible foresight (pertaining to the potential of unproven young football players)

Wenging machine (n.) = simply put a 50p piece in the slot, wait a while, and out pops a talented football player.

Young Gun (n.) = member of the Arsenal youth team. Any Arsenal player under the age of 21.

Young Guns II (n. pl.) = the even Younger Guns.

The Lexicon of Arse is a resource in the making… please email any suggestions!