If I Were Arsene, part 1
Posted by SmartArse
As recent performances have made abundantly clear, the end of the season is fast approaching. But alas, it’s not over, so we at COTA will endeavour to keep all (well, most) of our post-mortems and evaluations ’til after our ’showdown’ with what I fully expect to be Fulham reserves.
Poor form aside there’s nothing fun about a season ending apart from planning for the next, and with Le Boss apparently readying a newly beefed up chequebook we thought we’d have a go at stepping into his shoes. Fanciful and rooted largely in who’s good on FIFA it may well be, but here goes..
If I were Arsene…
a) What player would I love to see at Arsenal (within vague bounds of realism)?
Joe Hart. I know we’ve actually been linked with him today (and by the Guardian, not a tabloid) but I think its enough of a long shot to constitute wishful thinking. City will almost certainly keep hold of him for several reasons 1) Given is injured 2) There is no amount of money we can offer to tempt them and 3) Hart is a brilliant young keeper.
He’s big, commanding, a brilliant shot-stopper and will almost certainly be hearing ‘England’s, number one’ chanted on a regular basis in the very near future. But he’s owned by City and they have more money than us. Bastards
b) What player that we’ve realistically been linked with would I love to see at Arsenal?
I absolutely loved us being linked to Scott Parker. He has been crucial to rescuing West Ham’s sinking ship, producing regular performances of drive, passion and talent
Can he cut it at the top level? I think so. He certainly offers more than Denilson. His days at Chelsea came too soon but he’s developed an all round game that would really lift our midfield. You wouldn’t catch him wandering round half-arsedly against Blackburn that’s for sure. Wouldn’t come cheap but could be considerably less costly than some other names you’ll hear.
c)Players we have to keep.
Is it too simple to say Cesc? Fine then, any player with any talent. Seriously, this year we can afford to lose well, pretty much nobody of any note. A few key signings could see us become something special, but if say Cesc, RVP, Vermaelen, Song even guys like Nasri, Clichy, Sagna, Arshavin etc go it opens up yet another gap we’ll struggle to fill. That spine and the key supporting cast are absolute must keeps.
But I think all these will stay, even Cesc (anti-jinx alert!). Arsene looks too determined to let any of them go.
Two important names in some danger of going are Sol and Billy Gallas. In Sol’s case a new deal looks done and dusted, but the noises coming from Gallas are not nearly so positive. But of all the possible departures his I can handle, and rather expect, as long as he is adequately replaced. We’ll let somebody else take his royal sulkiness and inevitable injury woes, and fingers crossed, bring in a big partner for Vermaelen.
d)Players who have to go
I’ll tolerate Gallas leaving, but it’s not like I actively want him to. Almunia and Fabianski on the other hand could probably be crowd-surfed from the Emirates to Heathrow by the sheer number that want them out. Sonuvagun may well disagree, but to me it’s clear that those two have cost us an unacceptable number of points and need replacing immediately. There not the only ones either. We can’t afford to lose any key personnel but we can happily ferry off some of the useless bastards. Frankly we don’t even need to consider Silvestre, Arsene certainly won’t.
Others are edging toward the chopping block. Rosicky and Eduardo have been little short of useless. Remember when Rosicky could shoot? Or for that matter dribble, pass or offer any coherent threat at all? Injuries have done the damage, but can’t be accepted as excuses for ever.
Also, if that shit-brained imposter masquerading as Diaby right now continues to turn up next year he can go too. For now I’ll live in hope that the real deal will return soon.
e) Players we’ve been linked with we definitely don’t want!
Fortunately neither of these would signed by Benitez, never mind Wenger but we’ve been linked this week with Kevin Doyle (For 10 million pounds, yeah, 10 million!) and Blackburn’s Steven N’Zonzi. I know, I don’t really know who he is either. Suffice to say neither a perfectly acceptable, but limited Premier League striker nor one of Allardyce’s cloggers have any place at Arsenal.
Otherwise we’re being linked with less shit than usual (Buffon? Yes please) so all we can do is cross our fingers, pray to Bergkamp and hope Arsene can see the flaws we all can. A lil tweaking in midfield, some genuine surgery at the back and we’ll really compete next year.
Come on the Arsenal!
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Come on the Arsenal. Come on the Arsenal said: If I Were Arsene, part 1: We go all Football Manager and make a wishlist before Arsene begins the real deal http://bit.ly/cDNG1V [...]
[...] else to say except to refer you to SmartArse’s very own assessment of our transfer needs in If I Were Wenger, part I. Andre The Giant is still compiling his shortlist. If you want to ask yourself the same questions [...]
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